A psychologist shares 2 bridge-burning traits of a grandiose narcissist

Grandiose narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. People with grandiose narcissism often believe they are superior to others, have a sense of entitlement, and seek to dominate social interactions. They may exaggerate their achievements, expect special treatment, and exploit others to achieve their goals.

Grandiosity is commonly expressed through arrogance, self-enhancement tactics (eg, explicit expressions of grandeur or attractiveness), and social boldness (eg, nominating yourself for a position of leadership) , explains Kennedy Balzen, lead author of a 2022 study on narcissism and relationships.

Research shows that grandiose narcissism can be conceptualized as the presence of narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry, two behaviors with a shared goal of enhancing and maintaining inflated self-concept, often at the expense of close relationships.

Here’s how the two core traits of grandiose narcissism negatively affect romantic connections.

1. Narcissistic admiration

Narcissistic admiration refers to the intense desire for attention, praise, and adoration that individuals with narcissistic traits seek from others. This serves to bolster their fragile self-esteem and validate their inflated sense of self-importance.

This admiration seeking can affect relationships due to the following narcissistic qualities.

• A constant need for attention. People exhibiting grandiose narcissism crave constant validation, admiration, and special treatment from others, engaging in behaviors designed to draw attention to themselves, such as bragging about their accomplishments, seeking compliments, or dominating conversations. Although initially their confidence can be attractive, over time, their self-centeredness can strain relationships.
• Exaggerated self-image. Grandiose narcissism involves beliefs that one is uniquely talented, attractive, or successful. When they do not receive the admiration they desire for these perceived qualities, narcissists may become resentful or look down on others, leading to a cycle of idealization and devaluation. Initially, they may idealize their partner, showering them with attention and affection to win their admiration. However, once the partner fails to meet their unrealistic expectations or challenge their superiority, the narcissist may devalue them, belittle their achievements, or dismiss them altogether in search of new sources of admiration.
• Manipulative behavior. Narcissists may use manipulative tactics to gain admiration, engage in charm offensives, flattery, or manipulation to win people over. However, this behavior is often superficial and insincere, ultimately leading to conflict and a lack of genuine connection.
• Difficulty maintaining intimacy. Genuine intimacy requires mutual empathy, respect, and emotional vulnerability, qualities that narcissists often lack. This makes it difficult for them to form deep and meaningful connections with others. They may have difficulty empathizing with their partner’s feelings or prioritizing their needs, resulting in a one-sided relationship dynamic.

2. Narcissistic rivalry

Narcissistic rivalry involves defensive strategies aimed at protecting one’s self-image through aggressive behavior toward others. This trait reflects deep insecurity and a constant need to maintain a sense of superiority. Individuals with high narcissistic rivalry may engage in exploitative behaviors and harbor envy of others’ achievements as it threatens their grandiose self-image.

In relationships, narcissistic rivalry can have profound and damaging effects. Here’s how it can manifest:

• Sensitivity to criticism. Narcissists have a fragile sense of self-worth and are very sensitive to criticism or rejection. When faced with feedback that challenges their self-image, they may react with defensiveness, anger, or aggression, rather than trying to resolve relationship issues in a healthy way.
• Envy and resentment. Narcissistic couples may try to overshadow the other to protect their own image. Constant comparison and envy of their achievements can lead to resentment, sabotage or attempts to undermine their confidence. For example, they may criticize an important work presentation their partner just gave to feel superior. This can lead to feelings of hostility, betrayal and insecurity rather than vital dynamics of cooperation and support.
• Confrontational and aggressive behavior. Narcissistic rivalry can manifest as frequent arguments, power struggles, gas, or emotional manipulation in relationships. The tendency of narcissists to resort to hostility and intimidation to maintain a sense of control can create an environment of fear and tension, leading to lower relationship satisfaction, alienating romantic partners or trapping them in relationship dynamics abusive
• Lack of constructive communication. A lack of empathy can exacerbate conflict and prevent meaningful communication or compromise. With traits of grandiose narcissism, a person’s arrogant behavior can make it difficult to resolve conflicts constructively, as they tend to focus solely on their own desires, while dismissing the perspectives and feelings of their couple

These competitive dynamics make it difficult for their partners to feel emotionally safe or valued, which can continue even after the relationship has ended. A 2021 study examined the emotional reactions of individuals with grandiose narcissism after a breakup and found that both narcissistic rivalry and admiration were associated with greater anger toward an ex-partner.

Furthermore, the researchers found that while trait admiration was associated with a more positive perception of the ex-partner and rivalry was associated with a negative bias toward them, narcissistic admiration also led to individuals were more likely to initiate these breaks due to a lack of interest. , highlighting the superficial nature of their romantic connections.

Initially, individuals with grandiose narcissism may appear naturally charming, confident, and attractive, but over time, as narcissistic rivalry rages, their true intentions begin to surface and derail their relationships.

The exploitative, jealous, and confrontational behaviors associated with this trait undermine trust and breed resentment, making narcissistic partners unpleasant and difficult to maintain long-term relationships.

It is essential that people involved set boundaries, prioritize their own well-being, and seek support if they feel trapped in these relationship dynamics. For narcissistic individuals, it is also vital to seek support in cultivating self-awareness and working with their self-promoting and antagonistic tendencies to build healthier, longer-lasting relationships.

Curious to show some narcissistic tendencies? Take this evidence-based assessment to find out: Narcissism scale