Asian Americans make healing a family affair. Here’s how they talk about mental health between generations CNN

CNN
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More than a year after the mass shootings in California’s Monterey Park and Half Moon Bay, Asian Americans are still dealing with the aftermath. The suspected gunmen in both shootings were elderly members of the community, the age group most vulnerable to anti-Asian violence during the Covid-19 pandemic.

The sandwich population that cares for them is telling me things like: Yes, my parents are buying guns now because what they understand is the fear and the grief, the loss of feeling physically and emotionally safe, explains the licensed clinic Jeanie Chang. We have a lot of unresolved pain because things keep happening.

The month of May is Native Asian American Hawaiian Pacific Islander Heritage Month. It’s also Mental Health Awareness Month. So Impact Your World connected with Chang, a specialist therapist in the AANHPI community, to discuss the challenges of generational and cultural approaches to mental health and how to bridge the gap. (Note: Chang did not advise any of the gunmen accused in the attacks.)

The following conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

CNN: In your opinion, do these shootings perhaps speak to a larger problem within the Asian American community? What is really going on here?

Jeanie Chang, LMFT: Let’s start with the good thing that highlighted the fact that intergenerational stress and trauma in this community needs to be addressed. It brought up this whole deep-seated struggle in the community that’s so complex that it boils down to mental health, and then the whole savior face and families protecting each other when they really make things a little more dysfunctional.

During the pandemic, everything escalated for all of us. And so I just think it’s tripled and you get to the boiling point. And I really don’t think anyone can stand the deletion of all that.

The younger population has an advantage when it comes to understanding mental health. They grew up with it. But the larger population never had that. So going back and relearning something is very difficult. And even my age group, middle-aged, and often over 55, struggle with it too because it was so limited when we were older.

We were born to connect, so if we don’t, that’s probably the biggest hit to your mental health. So that’s another note about the shootings, they’re also very isolated. Sometimes (with) Asian men, or some of the stereotypes they face, that’s not accentuated. You need that connection or you will feel unhealthy things.

The taboo of mental health in our community, or talking about it, runs deep. It’s just not part of our language in Asian culture to talk about emotion. So I think that contributes to today’s stress.

You work with all different generations. What are your observations about how each approaches mental health?

Gen Z is moving the needle when it comes to bringing mental health everywhere, from language to the workplace, to their heads. People think they are less resilient or have more problems; they are justspeakingabout the problems However, they are so eager to have these conversations that they start clashing with their grandparents or even their parents. So I tend to see a lot of conflict because there is a lack of understanding on both fronts.

We go to the reverse end of the larger population, where they are the exact opposite. This is the largest population that also has a lot of pride. It’s good that they are proud of who they are, they have worked hard. There is a survival instinct. That means to them, why would they talk about their emotions and then show any kind of weakness that they haven’t done in 50 years?

Then you have the middle population, Millennials and Gen X, which I think are pretty crucial. They are the ones who can make decisions in families. They are the ones who are also in the workplace leading the middle level management. There is a little more room to talk about mental health. Older Gen Xers and Millennials are actually a great resource for both parties.

What you can do in each generation is combine mental health resources. Older generations, for example, may not go to therapy, but they may do a support group or an eldercare group. They need to feel that they are not alone. Generation X, it’s a struggle for them to go (to therapy), but they push everyone to go. And then the younger population is obviously much more open.

But I would say that in general, it should be understood that where you are is where you are. I just need you to focus on taking care of yourself. It’s much easier for you to do it for your own well-being and then hit a brick wall trying to fix them, because we can’t fix anyone else.

Taking care of yourself helps the people around you, right? It’s like an airplane mask you put on your mask before you help others.

You are your own person that you have to prioritize. And this is the struggle still not so much in the younger population, but they even face the narratives of people who tell them: Stop being so selfish. In the entire Asian community, this self is very difficult to understand. Self care is just a word, it’s not selfish.

They were very good with physical hygiene. But there is also mental health hygiene. I need you to take it seriously because this is your mind and your central brain controls everything.

You can provide education, you can provide the connection, the validation, you yourself are trying to be healthy, and they see, Oh, Jeanies taking care of themselves. What’s she doing? Oh, he went to therapy. Just modeling that behavior, that’s what will help them. But at the end of the day, they have to come to their own conclusion.

If you want to consult an older person and don’t know where to start, how do you do it without being intimidating?

maybe youdon’t ask them how they feelbecause they don’t know how to answer it. And if anything, I’ve seen them immediately go into defensive gear. It’s very understandable when you’re an authority figure to feel defensive because you feel a little vulnerable because you don’t know something.

It would go back to the core of what this population needs, which is that they want to contribute wisdom and leave a legacy. Things about their life, they can definitely answer.Have them share a storywith you.

Participate in an activitywhich you know they will enjoy doing, even if nothing is said. thisshared space, just so you know, it’s still connecting. Cook with them, or maybe help serve something while you watch them cook. This is how they connect. They want to feel like they’ve given you some kind of wisdom, whether it’s verbally or through a story or showing you a skill. All of this is good for your mental health.

The other thing to do with the family is fairwatch movies. They should see some other examples on the screen. I’ve seen huge benefits because you’re watching something together. This is opening windows on experiences that your parents may never have shared.

you just wantto validate. Since you’re trying to talk about giving them resources, toopraisethe traditions they make. The validation they don’t get as much is very critical to their own well-being.

Your aging parents won’t come and say, That was great, now I feel close. But what will happen is maybe when you need to communicate something, they will be more likely to listen to you because you have connected with them.

It takes effort to be consistent because it takes time, right?

Understand that starting a conversation is very different from getting the result you want. It’s not a done deal. Sometimes it is, but not always. It’s a process, always.

It takes time, but also your goal is not to go there, I’m going to change my grandparents. We’re going to talk about mental health, dammit! The goal is for you to connect with your family member and understand what makes them tick.

And in general, family conflict is what many Asians tend to avoid because they think it’s (bad) conflict. They’re like, we shouldn’t have a conflict. It was fine, when a lot of my upbringing is also like, No, conflict is healthy. Conflicts must exist for change to occur.