Does healthy narcissism exist? Why experts say this personality disorder has positive aspects

When most people imagine a narcissist, we think of self-centered, horrible people who lack empathy. But it’s a real mental disorder that’s more than just an insufferable personality trait, and in some cases narcissism can even have some benefits.

Clinically speaking, narcissistic personality disorder is “a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy,” according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Both psychologists and armchair critics like to warn the public about the narcissists among them. This can be seen in the realm of politics from Donald Trump’s refusal to concede in the 2020 presidential election to popular culture, such as the famous defamation trial between actors Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Most people have also had to experience terrible narcissists, whether they are family members, friends, or people at work.

Certainly no medical expert would advocate narcissistic behavior such as violent outbursts, malicious deception, or petulant refusals to admit defeat. At the same time, some experts note that some narcissistic traits can be healthy. To understand why, you need to start by understanding that narcissism does not make a person completely incapable of caring about how others perceive them. If one defines “good” as “concerning other people,” narcissists can still be good people to some extent.

“‘Psychopath’ is a clinical term used to describe a person who has no remorse or has a cold, calculating interpersonal style and is interpersonally explosive,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology. “They’re exploitative with a tendency toward a parasitic lifestyle. But the great thing about psychopathy is that, again, there’s a very cold, calculated element to everything. There’s a willingness to use other people for their own ends, and often we see a complete and utter lack of anxiety.”

By contrast, narcissists “concern themselves with what looks right in the world. A sociopathic person is not driven by this. And as a result, they will violate social norms and rules. Relationships with them are characterized by a lot of betrayal, and they also tend to be much more reactive and hot,” said Durvasula.

Narcissists are not defined by this type of behavior. Dr. Hannah Alderete, who specializes in narcissism among other psychiatric disorders, explained why this is so.

“Narcissistic personality traits can be absolutely healthy, given that they are innate within all of us and help us take steps to improve ourselves,” says Alderete. “Most of us probably wouldn’t get out of bed if we didn’t have a healthy degree of narcissism.”

Narcissistic traits are only harmful when they are fixed and rigid; if balanced with self-awareness, a capacity for change and a humble willingness to express compassion for others, “it stays on the ground of health,” says Alderete.

Harvard Medical School professor Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and author, told Salon that “narcissism” itself is not an official diagnosis and never has been, but rather a “trait ” defined as “a pervasive universal human tendency called ‘self’-enhancement'” or “the drive to feel special: to stand out in some way from the nearly 8 billion other people on the planet.”

Since happy and healthy people don’t usually feel normal or boring, regardless of whether that’s true, it makes sense that having some degree of narcissism can be healthy. Why not feel that one is exceptional or unique, and therefore persist in ambitious plans despite persistent failure, if one is happier and lives longer as a result?

“This moderate enhancement is healthy narcissism,” says Malkin. “It’s not self-confidence or self-esteem or self-love. Think of it instead as slightly rose-colored glasses for oneself (world and future). It’s the heart of all narcissism, and in moderation it’s completely healthy.”

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Narcissism is not only healthy for individuals in small doses; it can only benefit human civilization as a whole.

“Societies benefit from connectedness and cooperation between individuals, which seems counterintuitive to possessing narcissistic traits,” says Alderete. “However, I believe that when we can recognize and endorse our strengths and abilities as individuals (which requires a healthy narcissism), we are giving ourselves opportunities to grow and thrive.”

In other words, humans need narcissism the same way they need most of their basic personality traits, in moderation.

“We need both,” says Alderete. “The ability to take care of ourselves and the ability to serve the larger community by considering the needs and perspectives of others. Both are valuable traits to maintain balance.”

Conversely, people who talk about “narcissism” today usually describe people who act in a deliberately cruel and self-centered way, which is completely separate from more innocuous narcissistic behavior.

“Most of what people describe is ‘narcissism’ [narcissistic personality disorder] or psychopathy,” says Malkin, describing a pattern of relentless lying and manipulation to maintain power over others. “Narcissism has become a stand-in for all the attributes people dislike and all the dangerous behaviors imaginable I saw a post about Hitler being a narcissist. I dare say that was the least of his problems,” he added.

In addition to being clinically inaccurate, it is also deeply damaging to use terms like “narcissist” against people without having clinically diagnosed them. Ask Dr. Jessica January Behr, a licensed psychologist practicing out of New York City.

“While it’s positive that the stigma around mental health, and even Axis II personality disorders, seems to have reduced dramatically, and as a society we feel more comfortable talking about it and bringing it to light, [but] the tides may have shifted too much in the other direction,” says Behr. “The term ‘narcissism’ seems to have become a colloquial catalog for anyone you dislike or anyone who does thing to bother you Not all setbacks are trauma, not all people you have difficulty with are narcissists, and not all focus problems are ADHD.”

Dr. David Reiss, a psychiatrist and expert in mental health assessments, argued that “if I’m being attacked, I really don’t care a whole lot if the attacker is a narcissist, a psychopath, a sociopath, or acting out of some disability, the important issue .is to protect based on the specific nature of the toxic/abusive behaviors/attacks, not any psychodynamic, psychological, or even neurological factors that contribute to “why” the person is acting dangerously/abusively.”

However, while harmful or abusive behavior from narcissistic people should not be tolerated, this does not mean that we should rule out the possibility of benefiting from their more positive traits. You can still be a narcissist and capable of useful traits like compassion, and being a narcissist doesn’t mean you’re incapable of caring about others, a point Dr. Durvasula

“As a doctor, I have to spend a fair amount of time with a person to be able to properly discern between narcissism, sociopathy and psychopathy,” Durvasula said. “Also keep in mind that there’s a lot of overlap between these terms and so that muddies the water as well. But then again, they’re rather nuanced terms and it takes a while to get the hang of them. I think people can use because they sound cool and descriptive, but I’m not convinced that everyone uses them correctly.”