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CNN
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Haley Weaver has always been restless.
When she was 5 years old, she worried about her parents not coming home after hiring a babysitter and bit her nails until they did.
His coping skills evolved as he grew up, sometimes for the worse (lying to impress middle school friends) and sometimes for the better (taking long walks for clarity). Eight years ago, he started drawing a doodle a day to calm his anxious thoughts and channel his feelings into something productive.
She shared her daily drawings on her now-popular Instagram account @haleydrewthis to have a creative outlet outside of her day job and to connect with others who might feel the same way. Now, all that art has been turned into her new graphic novel, Give Me Space but Dont Go Far.
His first book comes out at a time when anxiety is running high and many people don’t know how to deal with it. The impacts of anxiety are far-reaching, disrupting sleep, interrupting life goals, and hindering relationships, all of which compound the effects of isolation and worry.
Parents of teens or young adults with anxiety may worry about how their children are coping, but find that asking them directly provides little information. Weaver said she hopes her book will reframe our collective view of anxiety and serve as a tool to start those difficult conversations in families.
I spoke with Weaver about her anxiety and how her new book can give other people with anxiety a place to talk about it.
This interview has been slightly edited and condensed for clarity.
CNN: Most people believe that their lives would be better if their worries, fears and insecurities disappeared completely. But you don’t seem to want to get rid of your anxiety. Because?
Haley Weaver: At its core, anxiety wants to keep us safe from disaster, out of judgment, safe from rejection, the list goes on! That said, anxiety doesn’t always operate from the most rational place, and figuring out how to listen to anxiety concerns without letting it rule our every move is the tricky part. I aim to share the importance of accepting the reality of the presence of anxiety while building a community of coping mechanisms to help manage the most difficult thoughts.
CNN: Was it difficult to be vulnerable about the different coping tools you used to deal with your anxiety, some helpful, some harmful as a child, teenager and young adult?
Weaver: Of couse! Not to be meta, but my anxiety about sharing my anxiety was present throughout the writing process. I was afraid that opening up about some of these painful and personal moments would let the world know my biggest secret: that Inohave it together In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
At the same time, most of the mediums I resonate with the most, whether it’s memoir, film, or music, involve extremely vulnerable narratives. I knew this book would be most effective if I was brutally honest about my experience with anxiety, and I’m so glad I was. Since my book was published, people have contacted me to tell me how they felt while reading the most vulnerable chapters. It has been the greatest gift.
CNN: What do people get wrong when their kids have anxiety?
Weaver: Instead of seeing anxiety as an obstacle to their children’s happiness, I think parents should help their children see anxiety as a part of themselves that should be taken care of as much as anyone other part of his body. Also, treating anxiety may look different depending on how the anxiety presents itself, perhaps helping children identify helpful coping mechanisms. Maybe it’s based on a doctor’s experience. There is no one fix for anxiety, but a myriad of coping skills and support systems.
CNN: What’s a common misconception about anxiety?
Weaver: This anxiety is inherently negative. In reality, anxiety wants us to move through life with caution. Only when anxious thoughts get in the way of day-to-day life should we take a closer look at why our anxiety is increasing and perhaps seek advice from a mental health professional.
CNN: How can we better support our loved ones who suffer from anxiety?
Weaver: Start by asking what your loved one needs. A listening ear? Any validation? A shoulder to cry on? Advice? This will help them feel like there is a safe space to land while helping you to support them.
If their anxiety is getting in the way of their ability to enjoy life, it may be worth helping them make an appointment with an expert. I’m no expert, but my experience with talk therapy and anti-anxiety medication has been incredibly helpful in my daily anxiety management.
CNN: You have a lively cast of characters with coping skills. Do you have a favorite?
Weaver: They all have their place in my heart! But I have a soft spot for the liar, who encourages me to lie to fit in with the mates, he’s a whistle, even if he’s a con artist.
I also love the writer, who helps me massage my anxiety knots with every written word.
CNN: Who is your book for?
Weaver: I wrote this book for anyone who struggles with anxiety or cares about someone who is dealing with anxiety in their daily life. I hope to inspire readers to rethink the role of anxiety in their lives, that our anxiety is something to care for, not fear. And with care, practice, and solid strategies, we can learn to hold our anxiety close (but also give it the space we need)!
Michelle Icard is the author of Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success: What to Do and Say to Turn Failures into Character-Building Moments.
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